Life as a Vapour

Hospitalized yesterday!!

2008-04-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

ah dui...haven enlisted into navy ..i was emlisted to hospital ytd midnight...
haha...
ya after eating so much of thai laksa and so much desserts..i gt so bloated when i reached home ytd...
so pain that i couldnt slp...that i woke up to vomit a few times...it was terrible men...

couldnt slp at all...oso having the fear of worrying my mum...i chose not to let her noe...

but in the end i reali cant tahan anymore...i seriously needed to go to hospital...

it is my first time being hospitalised...
first time had dripping....so painful la...had three jabs ytd....one of the jabs was the most painful jabs i ever taken...it just feel like someone hit u right at ur face la...

hais....

thanks God tat i am discharged le...but of cos when i was told that i can go hm le...i dun reali wan to go hm cos gt ppl sayang ma..and take care...haha...

anyway i oso think tt it was a spiritual warfare...cos when i was on the way hm...i was talkng to both jacobs... i was sharing my heart and my desire of going to navy to share the gospel to my mates...

i told em that other then wanting to share my faith to ppl...i told em tt i have no other motivation to go into the navy le...

i think tt like what bee said in her blog...the evil is always watching at us...waitin to devour us...

My Beloved Team!!

2008-04-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

dear team mates!!!
i reali wanna say a big thank you for those cards tt u wrote to me today...
it reali touched my heart n i reali felt loved...
cos these cards r impt to me..they lightened my heart n oso at least it boost me b4 i go into the navy..and oso that i was remembered by u guys..

and i oso want to thanks yining n joelle for planning this...
and yining as i said before i reali consider u as a blessing to me men...i have always seen tat u choose to pour out ur love to others despite the fact tt they may nt reciprocate..thx for ur love that u shown to me n others...and i reali considered u as a little sister to me ...yeah!!

i almost cried when i read those cards on the train just now...but couldnt find a place to do it..haha.. so kept it in my heart..

thx once again...like wat i typed in the msg tt i sent to u guys...i will persevere during the bad days n hard times.. cos i m goin to represent Christ and all of ur prayers...

one thing tt i wld ask frm u is to keep me in prayers..i seriously need em...my heart yearn to serve Him by spreading the love of God to ppl in my platoon...i believe tt there is sth i need to start during my years in the Navy...a destiny for me to fulfill..

do remember to pray for me during ur prayer time within the team..
thx guys...

An unprepared Heart.

2008-04-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

today i went for our navy enlistment briefing at Changi Naval Base.
went there together with my friends and gor gor..

me n gor gor went there with the hope that we may not be enlisted into navy on 10th April which is like next thurs...cos seriously we really we cld at least rest a little bit longer since we came back frm our mission trip..

hai...while on the journey towards naval base was a heavy and burdened heart..we do not know what to expect...when we gonna be enlisted...

gor gor let me listen to this song..call "just a ride."

yeah somehow the lyrics of this song spoke to both of us.

Life is like just a ride.You cant get off the ride just like this as and when u like it, cos u gt to pay the price. There is no need to fear or scare cos it is a ride. Go thru it. Slowly we will be able to get over thru God!!

well...i told gor gor let us just enjoy this ride or this journey in navy though our hearts are burdenful..

hai...when we reached the navy office.. the truth strucked right in front of our faces..

WE ARE GOING TO BE ENLISTED ON THE 1OTH APRIL!!!

hai.. in our hearts we were still thinking we may be enlisted on the month of june instead..

but then i tried to look at tis whole entire situation frm God's perspective. Trying hard to carry a positive attitude...

then i remember that i shld nt hide my feelings..i shld just tell God im nt ready and prepared for the navy life...

me n gor gor both felt uncomfortable to step out of our comfort zone..

to us it seems tat we have been kept in a very safe christian environment for a very long time.. now we are been forced to go into a different world where we have to start frm scratch..

God reminded me on the way towards the place where we try our uniforms.

that i am not here by accident. i have a destiny to fulfill in this place. God has sth in placed for me. He wants to do a deeper work in me, He wants to use me to magnify Him. I am here to shine the light to my mates, especially to my classmates who are also in this navy thingy.

i am not living for my own. i m living this life for Him. i was reminded tat Paul considered everything in his life as rubbish as compared to the surpassing knowledge of knowing Jesus.

Paul poured out his life as an offering unto the Lord. and i want to do so too. i was also reminded that i need to focus on God. i need to see Christ as my motivation and my source of strength to stay inside this navy camp.(phil 4:13)

" i can do all things through the one who give me strength"

i also learnt tat i need to die to myself. die to my desires! just like wat it is mentioned in John 12:24-26.

God strengthen this heart of mine. As i go forth to this new mission field. Help me to see this as mission field n a place to prepare for ur work.Amen

the Precious Memories of our last day!!

2008-03-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

Rejoice becos...

2008-03-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

Rejoice of the many lessons tat i learnt frm this trip...it was a very ministering trip for me in terms of the many issues tat i were struggling in life back then...
like wat Alvin said in his blog, i think i receive more that i had given unto the ppl..

Below are some of the lessons that i learnt in summary:
1. i learnt that God is God. God is the one who is in control. He choose to unveil His glories in who He finds delight in.No one can ever rob away His glory.

2. i am a unworthy. Nothing i can do or i have done, cld ever make Him love me lesser or more. He is the one that place worth n value in my life.

3. My worth n value is nt based on ppl or hw capable of who i am. I realized that my life has been revolving around too much of ppl's opinions in my life. i have been living to perform as if there was a score card in my life. Thinking tt my worth n value is dependent on how good or capable i am.

4. Worship is not just singing songs. But it is a constant journey n process of honoring God whenever n wherever i am. Honoring Him with my best- my thoughts, conduct, attitude. It shld be blameless before the lord.

5. the Love and the presence of God transcends all things even languages. We saw how our worship actually brought n draw our back sliden christian host back to Christ. She was so touched by our worship. She said she saw God in us though she may not understand our langauge. She can feel the presence of God at then.

6. though i may not have much to give unto the poor. But i can simply bring forth the love of God to them thru my actions. i learnt tt actions speak louder than words.

7. HE is the riches of the poor. He is the one tt can bring true satisfaction to ppl.

yeah these are the lessons that i learnt frm this trip. It is really amazing hw God has been unveiling His glories in us.

I am BACK!!!

2008-03-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

Yeah...im back frm my mission trip in Thailand...

Coming back to Singapore was a mixed feelings of both sadness and rejoice!!

Sad because i have seen so much of needs out there in Thailand. SO many ppl living in poverty- both spiritually and physically, crying out for the presence of God to come into their land. I saw people being abandoned by their own children, infected by AIDS & despised by ppl ( all living in real poverty!!!)

When all these needs were placed in front of me, it just overwhelmed me. It pains my heart. My heart was filled with fears for these ppl. i asked myself what happen if they die one day, will there be anyone there to help them in arranging their funeral.

Being overwhelmed by these needs, i cried out to God. Becos i realised there is only so little i cld do for these ppl. Then God spoke to me. "My son, why do u have to cry? though these ppl do not have anything, but they have me. They need me. I am the riches of these ppl. Let the poor say they are rich.. and all u need to do is to be with them. Show them the love of God."

i was so touched by this voice. It was so real and lovely to me. It just encouraged me to press on n keep on praying for these ppl n show them the love of God thru me.

i was more than happy cos for the days in my mission trip, God has been unveiling His glory and love thru me. Lives were touched by Him thru me. i was awed cos God choose to use an unworthy servant like me to unveil His glory thru me.

Praise Him!!

these were the 3 women that i particularly felt burdened during the trip.

The old lady in the above pict is abandoned by her own daughter. Living alone in a small hut left by her daughter. Her daughter told her unless she take cares of the chickens, she is not allowed to stay in that small hut. Before we left Thailand, she falled sicked and no one was there to take care of her.

There were two another ladies that i am talking abt. They are Mother n Daughter. The mum is unable to see and walk properly. And her daughter is a mute. Their family members alrdy passed on. Both live in a very small hut too. The old lady has to depend on the daughter for living. Due to their disabilites, they were always hit n bullied by kids.

i will always keep them in prayers.

I rejoice becos of the precious lessons that i learnt frm this trip.
well, if u want to noe do read the next entry tt i will blogging tml ya..

gtg.hehe!!

the apple of His eyes

2008-03-10T08:15:00.001-07:00

The Apple of His Eye

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air."

Well," he continued, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value in God's eyes. To Him, dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to Him.
Psalm 17:8 states that God will keep us, "as the apple of His eye."

what a precious lesson that i learnt...and it is reali an answered prayer. Cos i asked God what is reali my worth in Him..yup i hope tt it will encourage our hearts too when we are down...

Vacuum

2008-02-28T20:19:00.000-08:00

hai..it has been two days since last saw gor gor..
reali misses gor gor...
it is like all of a sudden a part of me was cut away from me..
esp whenever im walking home alone...or at home...
cos gor gor is always a phone call or msg away...
but now like he is so far away...
away for a month and living at a place that is so unreachable...
hai..

thinking of it....
at this similar time last yr...
God also put us in the similar situation...
both of us were at different countries too..
he was at china...while i was in Philippines n Taiwan for two months..
i think tt God has trained me to be independent n stronger when im alone...

i believe God has His works n plans in place for us this yr...

as for now reali feel kinda lonely....but i will choose to depend on Him..looking at all my days from a eternal perspective.. im looking fwd to my mission trip...

the scientist

2008-02-28T20:18:00.001-08:00

Come up to meet you, tell you Im sorry
You dont know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
Im going back to the start

Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh ohh

Photos taken in the past 3 yrs!!!!

2008-02-10T09:40:00.001-08:00

Hi guys....
can anyone send me pictures that u have taken with me, or either with my face in the pics for the past 3 yr in Crusade?
cos my pictures has always been scattered ard all sorts of cameras...and i really hope i cld at least get hold of these precious moments tat i had in crusade tog with u...
pls email me at teentitans_junhao@hotmail.com

greatest thanksgiving....

2008-02-03T01:53:00.000-08:00

thanksgiving is nvr limited.....in fact it is God's will that we shld always give thanks...giving thanks in all circumstances...

i give thanks that after 5 yrs of prayers that i made for my family...God finally brought a breakthru into my family....

ever since i became a christian 5 yrs ago...i had always been praying that God will reconcile and restore the broken relationship btw my mum and my 2nd sis....because since young...my 2nd sis nvr had dinner or CNY dinner with my mum...she nvr invites my mum for any dinner...i know there was conflict n unforgiveness among them...

and it was also because unsettled issues, i know my mum has been sad n broken in all these yrs...

it breaks my heart to always see my mum dwelling in the past and crying for wanting my sis to be back to her...

hence, this has always been my prayer for my family...that God wld one day allow my mum to have a simple dinner with my mum...i think that is what my mum needed...

yr after yr...there nvr seems to be any sign of breakthru....but it was that simple faith in God's faithfulness n perfect timing..cos i know God will definitely come..all i need to do is to keep praying n trusting until He works...

and amen!!

two weeks ago my 2nd sis wanted to have dinner tog....and this time round she asked my mum to come...

and i think since then tat invitation re-kindle the heart of my mum...it brought joy to my mum...i rejoiced for her...and i gave thanks to God...

ytd finally we had our long waited reunion dinner tog...

it really touched my heart....that God is so faithful...so zealously of glorifying his name thru my life...thank u God....

thank u God!!

today's thanksgiving...

2008-01-29T07:14:00.000-08:00

i reali thx God that i always have a brother that is so close and so available beside me willing to share my problems tog.
i am thxful cos i cld share my deepest probs with this is brother...and today is no exceptional too...

i felt very blessed today thru the sharing i had with this brother.... and this brother is my gor gor-Jian Hao...

we did evaluation together abt one one another....how have we been growing this 3 yrs....we oso shared abt one another's strengths n weaknesses....

i nvr had a time tat was reali set beside just for me to know my strengths n weaknesses...

cos not many will appreciate me...except the few ones that trully loves n cares for me....

nvr do i know my own strengths...gor gor told me he sees me as a strong person who has gone thru so much tog with God... he affirmed me in alot of areas in my life...and i reali felt encouraged by all those words tt he said...

and i remembered once i shared with kha n tina is that all i needed or hope for was ppl's simple words of affirmation n appreciaition...but sometimes ppl are just too caught up with their own stuff that they forgotten or neglected me...

and i reali thx God is tat He always uses gor gor to encourage n affirm me....
it was an answered prayer..cos i always pray for encouragement to my heart..cos i m reali exhausted le..i need to refill myself...

i thx u God.thx for all these blessings that u brought to me al these yrs...

Come What May

2008-01-29T07:08:00.000-08:00

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Come back to me, and forgive everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

[Chorus:]
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

greatest joke recalled....

2008-01-25T07:09:00.001-08:00

Then i went to meet up with aunty and joel to plan for our retreat for the freshmen...
we are in charge of the team building games...as usual there wil be no single time that i wont laugh tog with aunty de....during the midst of the meeting...we suddenly mentioned abt korea or wat...but anyway it was then i recalled a joke that we cracked when we were at korea...

i asked aunty does she remember abt what happened wen we were at korea anot?then it took quite a while for her to remember...old le la...anyway she is only like 21 ba....haha....

anyway this was the conversation that happened in korea btw me,aunty n gor gor on the van....

aunty:" corny, so what do u plan to do in the future??"
corn:" haiz....go navy after graduate...serve le five year then serve God full time as a staff..then after that study designs and set up a boutique tog with gor gor lor....then hope to be a pastor after that....yup yup..."

aunty:"wow....so what kinda of clothes are u intending to sell in ur boutique???"

oh men this is the greatest part of the conversation....

corny:" im goin to sell Bi-SEXUAL clothes....."

(after a moment of silence,there break in the great laughters...)

aunty:" ah boy....Bi-Sexual clothes!!!!! are u saying unisex shop????!!!! what bi-sexual!!!! liew....."

hahahahahhhahhahahah........

oh men even ytd we laughed until cry la...tog with kha kha n phyllis la....

VERA dancing ParaPara....must read n watch!!!

2008-01-25T06:34:00.000-08:00

finished my math paper ytd..oh men screwed up the section C for the paper...haiz...
but nvm...anyway it was a relief for me as it was the last paper for the week...at least can slack awhile after chonging for the past two consecutive days men...haha....

ytd had lunch with bing,belle,sarah and gor gor at pizza hut...was a great meal tog men....it was so long since i last ate pizza hut cos it is expensive to me la...
haha...

then went to arcade and played... haha...isabelle was saying that it seemed that we haven ended exams then we are already goin out to play le haha...ya ytd feeling and mood was like we finished al our papers le....

we played daetona... believe it or not it is like my 2nd time playin daetona...was like a noob la....i reali do not like to play such video games....or perhaps to such game ba....in contrast i do play the Mario Cart in the arcade de tog with gor gor...haiz if let shi pin or bee see this entry...im goin to be labelled as cavemen again le....hai...

after daetona we played the dance evolution thingy....the step step one haha....
all of us were noobs for this machine men... can u imagine it is supposed to be single person game but it turned out five of us playing the dance game...each of us in charged of one direction....so embarassin men but it was fun la...

to our suprise, we saw " VERA" dancing para para xia....
haha no la...we saw a Vera look alike gal....oh men u can nvr imagine how much this gal look alike to vera...lets take alook at "VERA" dance ba....

enlisting soon

2008-01-17T06:59:00.000-08:00

haiz......!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it is one of the news that i always do not hope to hear abt it so soon....but i think the thought of nt wantin to go navy so soon,finally gt hold of me ytd...

a msg frm my classmate suddenly interrupt my lunch tog with tina and samuel..
a msg saying" enlsitment 10 april, BMT will be on the first day of our enlistment"

gosh...... it just turned me off men....i thot it was the saddiest news of the day men....
haiz.....cant imagine that i m goin in to navy that soon... i thot i will onli goin to navy on june..thinking still can see the new batch of freshmen coming in...and i thot i cld still stay until ben they al start their DG...
haiz...all these is goin to past very soon after i come back frm gen12...

time is running short...jus have to look fwd ba...and make my days count itself....

happy...though tired...

2008-01-11T08:54:00.000-08:00

well, i thot today was a great day for me men...relaxing,refreshing...

sch ended early...
went to do fyp report..
then went for prayer meeting led by pris...

well i cld really feel the presence of God whenever i pray...today was no different..
and His presence nvr fails to cut thru those inner thoughts in my mind..
today's prayer theme was on Repentance and i thot pris reali shared well abt this topic..
it was refreshing and it helps me to see sin frm God's perspective...
like wat prisci shared...many times we only see God's mercy and grace..but we dun see that God is a just God too...He judge accordingly....to our sins..He will use His shepherd staff to discipline His children...
it was today that i remembered tt i need to fear God...

lord this is my prayer, that u wld create a new heart in me...a steadfast spirit within me...and oso a willing spirit to obey u no matter what..psalm 51:10-11

today felt very relaxed...no agenda...no plans...just company old friends-fio,aunty,kha for chit chat and eat ice cream...it was a great time tog with aunty,fio and joc as we sat down and plans for our Gopeng trip...it was jus filled wif laughters la...it was like back to when we were yr 1....haha..jus enjoyed tt company...

oso went to cut my hair tog with gor gor and keng leong....
it wasnt keng leong's plan to cut his hair...but i thot it wld be great jus to give him a new look hehe....and we helped him to choose a punk and hip hair style...

well keng leong was so innocent and pure la...he nvr had his hair style changed before...
and when he was abt to cut his hair..the hair stylist said to him tt he will help keng leong to cut a stylo hair style....then guess wat keong leong replied
"is there medium stylo one ma?"

haha at that instance, it was so funny la....so cute..

welll anyway he actually likes his new look very much...

i guess when we came into keng leong's life , we had somehow become a revolution in his life le...haha...

well,i reali pray tt he will grow mature when we leave...and he will be well taken care of by the lord's hands...

Last CrossRoads.

2008-01-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

ong ji and me...

my first pic wit keng leong..i reali pray tt he will take care of himself wen we are away..

my beloved disciple,shao wei...pray tt he will multiply for Him wen im away..

me and gor gor got sicked of one another..

aaron and me..

angel protecting his mortal..

jia hui,me and ning...

ytd was our last day at CrossRoads for all the Yr3...i believe many came and also left with a heart that was grateful to how God has placed us in crusade and how He used this ministry to bless us in the relationships that we had formed and the beautiful memories that He created in this 3 yrs..

and though i made a pact with my mortal that we wil nt cry but eventually when i went up to the stage to share my feelings n the last words that i wanna share to the ministry..
felt so embarassed men..haha...but it reali came from the bottom of my heart men...it really pains me of leaving this ministry...

i actually cried the day b4 the CrossRoad too in my toilet...and i made a prayer unto the Lord to bless this ministry richly after i leave...i really hope that this ministry wil bring glory to Him and also honor Him as the centre of everything..this is my prayer lor..

it really pains me..im sure that i m gonna miss my juniors very much men..esp like ben,king chi,vera,wesley,shei pin,isabelle,yi ning,shao wei,srini,keng leong...
all this diff ppl added colors to my life men....and i am oso gonna miss ronald,pris,shushyan men...cos they taught me much and i went thru much tog with em too....i love u all men...

well, im sure tat we will meet at one of the crossroad of our lives....we will meet again...will miss ya all...

my first pic with shei pin..didnt noe he like pic..haha..

me and my long lost senior-floren..miss her men...

the yr3 guys plus alex who is nt a yr3-.-

if you leave..

2008-01-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

If you leave, don't leave now
Please don't take my heart away
Promise me just one more night
Then we'll go our separate ways
We always had time on our sides
Now it's fading fast
Every second every moment
We've gotta make it last

I touch you once, I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd still be friends someday

If you leave, I won't cry
I won't waste a single day
But if you leave, don't look back
I'll be running the other way
Seven years went under the bridge
Like time was standing still
Heaven knows what happens now
You've gotta say you will

I touch you once, I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again someday

day, day, day

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again someday

(ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)
If you leave
if you leave
Don't look back
Don't look back

last day of DG.

2008-01-07T05:27:00.000-08:00

i dun know how to describe tis feeling men..dunno wld i say i am sad or happy after doing a closure with my disciples in my dg...

i am now in a stage of sadness and oso a feeling of "cant bear to leave the school"
becos of the disciples in my dg, my frens,the ministrythe staff team, my beloved ones- jason,kha,bee,fio,joc,bing,sarah,evan,tina,ben,wes,ning etc...really cant bear to leave these ppl tat was part of my poly life...

and oso the crusade room where i found worships durin my yr 1 days...found my fellowship...the room where i left alot of memories...the room where we held most of our meetings...

these were the ones who added colors into my poly days...i realli thx God for al these ppl..ppl who changed me, turn the funny side out of me...
i thx God for the chance to lead the ministry these 3 yr...nvr wld i expect that time wld flies so this fast men..

everything seems like ytd...it was like as if i led and planned the 25hr camp'05 ytd tog with joc,jason,kha,bing,jason wong, colin,junnie, chang yao...
it was like as if i jus came back from survivor camp that we planned in 06 tog with my Ecom- gor gor(Jian Hao), Joc,evan and Ron....it was so fun and cool men...and i think that many of the crusaders liked that camp very much too...
it was like as if i jus begin leading a DG ytd...
it was as if i took up the role as a ASC ytd...
it was as if i jus came back frm Meta 06...

ha...time jus seem to make no sense to me anymore..it has no more control of my mind...ha..wat toking me men...anyway i jus mean that 07 seems like 06, 06 seems like 05 and vice versa...

jeez...
if pris did nt pray for me today and say that actually i jus cant bear to leave this place...this place in SP...i still did nt realise that i actually cant bear to leave this place...

well nw, all i can look forward to the days in navy...where it is filled with uncertainties and fears.. and then look fwd to the day and yr when i will serve as a full time crusade staff...

but as for now i am looking fwd to the days i will go out with my dear ones- gor gor,kha,jas,joc,fio,ian,tina to Pahang for our outdoor adventurous trip...heheh filled with many activties like waterfall abseiling,paintball, 4 wheel drive, white water rafting men....
cool men...

dear ones i m looking fwd to go out and hang out tog men...

a "dead" heart?

2008-01-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:12

lord, thank u for reminding me that many times though outwardly we may be serving u but do not know sometimes we have lost the reason of why we do it. we can be just living life like motion.
not knowing that we are dead in our heart- dead to you.

sometimes, do nt know whether if we know that we sometimes do reali have a void in our heart. we have came to a time where we find no meaning in doing anything.

and i remembered tat i shared this with joc- abt sometimes i jus gt so tired and sick of doing things. and she said that it is a stage that we are alrdy being stagnant in our growth. well, it jus seems scary or perhaps nt right, this shouldnt be a life that i ought to live or wat. there is more than this...

and today as i was reading this article, it jus hitted hard on me that in fact i do reali have a dead heart sometimes..

cos i found myself or in fact others too, being so caught up in working and relationships problems, hatred and bitterness to sink in and forgotten abt God.

a heart that loses the meaning of why im doing certain things.
a heart that loses the joy of my salvation.
Joy!!! talking abt joy...ya i think it is so divine. the theme of my church this yr is Going out with JOY.

what is the use of going out mission when we ourselves are nt right with God, we have not settled our issues with Him, or perhaps lost the joy of our salvation alrdy... that is what Pastor Edmund Chan said today.

yeah perfectly agree with that!! after hearing n reading a similar thing, it jus caused me to need to go back to God in prayer and gif thanks. cos i noe this is nt the 1st time hearing this but thanks for His constant reminder.

sth to ponder:
When was the last time I spent any quality time with my Lord? When was the last time I delved into reading God's word and focused on sincere prayer?

Do you have a void in your heart that you have unsuccessfully been trying to fill with things other than God?

John 4:13-14, "Jesus answered, 'Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'" (NIV)

Luke 20:38, "He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive." (NIV)

beautiful memories...

2008-01-01T06:05:00.000-08:00

a bag of of close brothers and sisters i have in christ....during ian and my early bdae celebration...

bowling with my beloved drama team men...

ronald,me and gor gor at korea...yeah it was one of my highlights of 07..

my dream came true..to be part of a drama team....God just made my dream come true, to allow to do sth that i always like to do- PerformING arts!!!
and thru this i gt to make such great frens yeah....love em totally!!

expedition to sungei slim at Perak...preparin to abseil from a 4 stories hard rock...cool dude..

a very well tamed squirrel on my body....it is like totally cool...my favourite animal men...gosh...dream came true again in 07 at taiwan...

time really flies...i am going to graduate in a month time...looking back at how God has watched me and blessed me in my past 3 years in SP. God really left beautiful footsteps in my life thru SP.

My first SMAD...With my DG and my yr 3 seniors...look at me i am so skinny.. like monkey..haha...

community time tog with my classmates..

ever first survivor camp..looking back...it was such a great time serving tog with my Evangelism com( ron,gor gor,evan and joc joc) remember that we had to rackie Ubin so many times, went thru difficult tracks and woods, stay in the heavy rain at Ubin and think of last min back up plan for the rainy day during the last day of survivor..

my first meta...was great..the best meta i ever had...was so homely and just simply awesome...a place where i captured the vision to be a spiritual mulitplier...

to live is christ

2008-01-01T05:27:00.001-08:00

This is a song for Him.i want to live for Christ not for myself.Lord establish the steps of my life this yr, not just this yr but the rest of my life. lord, i know the old has gone and the new is coming. Lord, i choose to believe that u are and u will work in my life. Lord, i choose not to mind abt the former things of my life, but having my eyes fixed on u with the hope i have in Christ. my hope is in u!
in ur most almighty name i pray.Amen!

I make a vow
My life will always honour you
Whether I live or die

I belong to Him
He bore my sin
I owe this life to my saving King

Hallelujah, I am not my own
You are in control
Hallelujah

For me to live is christ
And to die is gain
No matter what price i pay
I choose to give this life away

Only by the cross I am saved

the life that i want

2007-12-28T06:55:00.000-08:00

God is good to me every time.. that He never fails to answer my prayer...and not just onli answer them but oso answer it in a way that is of abundance..He is the God of How much more...

and this is my prayer to Him again.
that i would choose to be living a life that He wants me to live- a victorious and free one.

i reali desire a life that is solely living for Him, a heart that is for Him, a pair of eyes that is always fixing on Him.

i realised that i need to allow God to change me from the inside out, right from the core of my heart. i need Him to fill my heart with His desires.

i am not satisfied with how i m living this life. i want to live for Him, i desire for a change, a breakthru. i dun wan to live for ppl's expectations, i dun wan to be changed by circumstances.

i dun wan other sources to change me- not worship songs, service, christian books...
i want God!!!

Lord come and reign in me. Lord i want to choose to live this life for u.Guard my heart for u.For i dun wan a temporal change. Strengthen my inner being. May my love for you increase everyday.. tat everything i do will be an outflow of my love for u.

Lord may i be a witness of the good works that u have started in me..so that ppl may c ur works and praise u in heaven..

Lord i seal this prayer n desire in the most precious name!amen.
Let it be done.

all for love

2007-12-27T08:08:00.000-08:00

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You
* i am really touched by His love tonight. Despite that i struggle n wrestle with God tonight, i was ministered by the fact He really loves till the extent it was all becos of love for me He was crucified.
That i can trust Him, even when im down. Dear lord, i love u.

love...

2007-12-23T21:20:00.000-08:00

1 Timothy 5:8
If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever

after looking at this verse i realise that im not very gd at loving...esp my family members...cos i nvr see myself to be that mushy person to say "i love u " to my mum or sisters...
after reading this article abt loving ur family members...
i realised that im like a pastor who is so busy ministering to other ppl's needs except my family...i m like a counsellor who councils but seldom councils my family...i always have time for other ppl but nvr my family...

in 1 John 3:16-18: "We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. . . . Let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."

it is so hard to love...love requires giving and it is not just merely saying i love u to my frens or family....but giving myself for my love ones too...

i felt that i need to change in this aspects cos i know tat God is telling me this...
this kinda of family love reali requires alot out of me...

greatest thanksgiving...

2007-12-23T09:14:00.000-08:00

i was so thankful that i cld be reconciled with my sister thru a phone that i bought a few days back.haha...it is such a long story men..but anyway im sure that the ppl who are close to me knows i was disowned by y sister since i came back frm Doulos my attachment due to some misunderstanding...
and after since that day i was have been praying that God wld do sth to this relatioship...i pray for His grace to be in our relationship...i dun wan to always remains as enermies...
not a single day i was nt thinking of my sister...i have been dreaming of her ever since we were seperated..
but then i saw how God used my mum to call my sister a few days back to ask her to help us to change my phone..
cos all along i have been eyeing on the Sony Ericsson K850i.but i cant change it cos i m not the one who signed for my current hp line..it was my sister who signed that..haiz...

i was thankful that she picked up my mum's call on last thursday...and they beginned to talk since then...so blessed was that that thursday was my sis' bdae..and we also arranged to meet up last fri to go change my phone..

in certain i was happy that i cld be reconciled with my sister but somehow i was also afraid of what to expect when we meet cos i feel the awkwardness ever since we have nt talked for so long...

shu shyan told me not to expect anything but to go with a heart to see what God wld do.i also thank God that my gor gor prayed for me...

that fri went gd...we talked,we shared and ate ice cream...hey yeah and God just led that day through...

writing this entry, i was hesitatin to write too cos it is abt my family matter...but i think i shld nt and i cant behold what God had done and HIs goodness in my life.. thru all these i saw that God works in His own special timing..

love u lord.

Apologize

2007-12-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new - yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

stained glass masquerade

2007-12-15T04:44:00.000-08:00

"Stained Glass Masquerade"

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

*these are just my thoughts when i listen to this song.sometimes i just wonder why there just so many ppl who can be behaving like hyprocrites- they are just like plastic ppl.
one who can never understand how those ppl who are hurt in their hearts.these ppl wil
just put a fake smile and fake love around u saying i love u.sometimes it is so true we are just living behind these stained glass- everyone pretending everything is ok but it is not.We are convinced that we are lacking of love as a church but then how many times do we live that out.

does anybody hears her?me?

2007-12-15T04:28:00.000-08:00

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon’s ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She’s another two years older
And she’s three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she’s going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that’s tucked away in your and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can’t see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can’t see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

*my thoughts- i am just like the one in this song. One who is yearning of a shelter
and affection where i can never finds at home. but is there anyone who knows
my deepest desire and yearning...i need peace and love and acceptance.
does anybody hears or see me? who and what do they see in me?
i only know that onli God can gives me this- the love that i need and peace.

someday we'll know

2007-12-05T22:38:00.000-08:00

[Mandy] Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can’t stop driving I don’t know why
My question....Need an answer
Two years later your still on my mine

[Jonathan] Whatever happened to Amelia Airheart?
Who hold the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?

[Both] Did the captain of Titanic cry?

Oh, Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] If love can move mountains
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...

[Mandy] Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
[Jonathan] What the wind says when she cries?
[Mandy] I’m speeding by the place that I met you

[Both] For the ninety-seventh time... tonight

Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] If love can move mountains
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why Sampson loved Dalilah?
[Both] One day I'll go
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon
[Both] Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you...

[Both] Open up the world

[Mandy] I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow

[Jonathan] Watched the stars crash in the sea

[Mandy] If I can ask God just one question

[Both] Why aren’t you here with me tonight?

Oh, Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we’ll know
[Mandy] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we’ll know
[Jonathan] Why Sampson loved Dalilah
[Both] One day I'll go
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon
[Both] Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you...

only hope

2007-12-05T22:25:00.000-08:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Singapore Standard Chartered Marathon

2007-12-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

yeah...praie the lord!!!yeah cant believe that we went to run for this marathon which requires me to wake up so early and so much of perseverance..
but it was such a gd training and experience for me...it is my third time to be in such race...first was a biathelon( swimming and running),2nd time was Bedok reservoir run and now this StandarD Chartered Marathon..
after running for this 10km race..me n wenbing feel there is no kick in this 10k we felt very short like that...haha...then we are trusting God to run for 21k next yr..then follow by a 42k at 2009...
sounds big ba...but i think these are gd goals...
after running both of us felt superb tired la...that bing walked down the stairs,it seems forever...cos there was a lot of strain of our kneecaps..haiz...
it was a fellowship together too for me...we went to eat tog with the Staff...many crusade staffs went for this race too..
we went breakfast than go out shop adidas shop since we have 20% discount after the race...hehe...but onli bought a singlet red one somemore...
then we went mac cafe to chit chat among me,bing and pris...yeah it was a gd time for the 3 of us to catch up and share anything under the sun haha...

yup yup...that is all...u can chat with me more if u wan to hear more stories frm yeah...
gd nite goona rush report le...

A Walk to Remember Part2

2007-11-26T06:34:00.001-08:00

oh men these are just my thoughts and feelings after watching this movie "A Walk to Remember" with Ian,Joc Joc and kha kha this evening...
this is just a great show men...so touching and so God loving movie..it brought out the real meaning of life.. a life that is being revolutionarily changed by a less than perfect n cool gal...
brothers and sistas, u guys shld jus watch it men...u will nvr forget abt the feeling of being loved and the every scenes of how Jamie and Landon in the movie falled in love..a love that is not of selfishness,jealousy...but one that is pure and loving...
GREAT SHOW LA!!!!haha...

A Walk to Remember

2007-11-26T06:30:00.000-08:00

A Walk to Remember Famous Quotes:

Jamie: I'm sick.
Landon: I'll take you home. You'll be be...
Jamie: No. Landon! I'm sick. I have Leukemia.
Landon: No. You're 18. You - you're perfect.
Jamie: No. I found out two years ago and I've stopped responding to treatments.
Landon: So why didn't you tell me?
Jamie: The doctor said I should go on and live life normally as best I could. I - I didn't want anybody to be weird around me.
Landon: Including me?
Jamie: Especially you! Ya know, I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it, and then you happened! I do not need a reason to be angry with God.

Landon: Do you love me?
[she nods]
Landon: Will you do something for me, then?
Jamie: [smiles] Anything.
Landon: Will you marry me?

Landon: [voiceover] Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.

Landon: Jamie... I love you.
[long pause]
Landon: Now would be the time to say something.
Jamie: I told you not to fall in love with me.

Landon: Can you find this star, right here?
Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star?
Landon: Because I had it named for you. See? It's official. It's from the International Star Registry.
Jamie: This is wonderful... I love you.

my first dying of hair...

2007-11-24T08:14:00.000-08:00

oh men..nvr imagine that this day i wil actually dye my hair...though it is nice...but jus feel not comfortable...i had the fear of goin to church..scare wil stumble ppl men..hai...duno xia...but i quite like it though...haha..what is ur comment???

my Prayer answered!!!!

2007-11-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

i am really thankful that How God is working in ways that i cannot see..cos Junkai talked to me le...this feeling is like a prodigal son coming back to His father...i m reali thankful cos He answered my prayer...my prayer has always been that God would cause a change in my dear brother's heart..that God will cause his heart to turn back to Him...and i oso prayed that He will reconcile this friendship that i have with Junkai..many ppl know that i put alot of love into this brother..cos he is my beloved disciple and also one that i had seen him coming to christ..oso one that i cld relate with..becos in his life i found myself...my past!

al this while i thot after he misunderstood me..i realised that we will nvr get to talk again le..cos he has nt answer my call,reply my msg,my friendster's comment etc...all i cld do was to pray an trust God..but then God keep on puttin the burden in my heart to pray for him continuously..no matter what no matter when God is going to bring back reconciliation..one thing that i trust was to have faith in Him that junkai will come back to my life...

God is realli gd...nvr did i expect that Junkai will response to my friendster's comment.. and msn me tonight..and we are meeting this upcomign week..all i can say is God is amazing...he works in ways i cannot see..He brought junkai to FCBC's encounter weekend..and he was healed there..

i love you God!!!!

thanksgiving...

2007-11-17T05:00:00.000-08:00

i give thanks for what the Lord has blessed us for the mac E yesterday.. though the event did not really brought the theme out in a very strong manner...yet i still wanna give thanks to Him..cos i believe that He was the one who is behind all these and He is the one to bring us together even for the Pre-believers...today i learnt that He was the one who bring us together in every relationships...

i give thanks that even though i did not had the chance to share my testimony on stage as planned...yet God still gave me the chance to share my life story to my friend yesterday.. we talked abt life for like an hour plus.. i felt that God was the one who strengthen me to say the things that is so deep in my heart that i would never imagine sharing to a classmate... though there was lies planted in my head that should i say my tesimony to my fren... but then i thoght that this is a chance to reveal God's power and His works in my life. i felt hat it will be a waste not sharing His glory to others even they may nt believed in God but they shld be able to see the real Cornelyus in their life... i gave thanks for who He is in my life-no longer knowledge but a real God who is constanly at work in my life..

Real..

2007-11-12T04:11:00.000-08:00

Look at me I'm twenty three
Beautiful a sight to see
Tonight

A little dress to draw the press
And I'll be leaving
All the rest behind

Well be pleased girl
If this is what you wanted
The whole world is watching you take the stage
What will you say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

I close my eyes imagine time
Will not forget
My sacrifice

I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness
Stand naked in the light

Well be pleased world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

The world goes home
The lights go down
My lipstick fades
Away

And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

Everybody is Changing

2007-11-10T06:57:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it is just so scary that people,environment,pace,relationship with ppl,friendships and things changes so fast that i could not catch up..when one try to go back to the good old days,time has already surpassed us so much that one could only recall the good old days of the different things that had changed.. the scariest part of life is that sometimes we try so hard to prevent any friction or conflicts in a relationship..yet things will still happen in due time it is just whether when..
how fragile are humans...relationships and friendship become a part and parcel of life...ppl becomes so superficial or practical-u do not know when or which of their words are true and they choose when to find u...
sometimes just wish that i could grasp the depth and the vast of ppl's hearts..Only God can and Only Him can stay faithful above all men.
But i chose to give thanks cos God gave me a gd brother i can always turn to no matter what..and He is my big brother-Jian Hao.. "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."Proverbs 18:24.

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Is this cause worth my everything?

2007-09-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes looking other peoples' lives, i feel that deep sense of emptiness in their lives because i realsied that alot of them were just doing things to fill up the emptiness in their lives- trying so hard to find a purpose out of their life. Some of them just want to do nothing, when you ask are they happy with their life, they will just say that "as long as i do the things that i like to do, i am happy!!!" Hearing all these passive responses from my friends or the students that i met for street witnessing, just hurt me so much to see lives just being stucked in a cycle of routine activities- eat,sleep,play,internet,play games,clubbing,friends,BGR etc..Not knowing the real cost of lives. And all i could do everytime when i see such ppl passing by my sight in the train or bus, is to pray and utter a short prayer of blessing for them that they may realise the love of Christ is able to fill all things in life. After sometime, i asked myself or tried to recall back how is it like or feel to be like a Non christian? initially, i reali couldnt remember... but after awhile as i spent time alone at home surfing internet sometime ago...the entire day..my labtop was on ever since i woke up...and i jus started to surf internet and chat...trying to find something to do in it...but there is reali nothing except playing games,chat,youtube, check emails( the whole entire cycle keep on revolving the whoel day)...and soon realise one day had jus passed... wow...time really flies men... and it is also through this day, God helped me to remember the emptiness and the purposeless life of Non christians.. He helped me to also realise sometimes Christians can also easily falled into this trap, where procastination and laziness can just come out..

What about myself?what about christians?
Sometimes, even being a christian for so long, i also question myself is this cause worth my time,my passion,my family and my everything? this question came back to me when a freshmen came to ask me what do we do in crusade? i told him that we come together to study the word of God, having fellowship with one another and also do plan events too.. then he told me that is all...isn't that a waste of time? this qusetion came frm his mouth jus hurt me so much... i replied to him boldly that "it is not a waste of time" ( deep down in my heart i told myself that it is so true that when ppl do not recognise Christ as the saviour of their lives)
at that point of time, Satan also tried to deceive by confusing me and wanting me to doubt abt the things that im doing...
he made me question whether all these things that i m doing, is it worth it or is it jus a waste of time?
all i could say is that everything wil be MEANINGLESS....if God is the centre of everything of my life..seriouslly even serving can be empty too- when He is not placed as the most important one or the one whom we seek to please or glorify..

But i also started to wonder why Satan wants or had the chance of planting that doubt in my heart..and i came to this point when i thought of the christians around me..

Manyt times when i look at the christians or even the crusade juniors of mine, i'm wondering are they just following the motion of life or had losen sight of the eternal purpose of life- one that God had placed in us. It really disappoint me like sometimes seeing christians coming to church or crusade just for the sake of ppl, finding it as a refuge to hide themselves from the reality of not able to connect with their friends in class, find a place to slack, encouragements,satisfactions, look for friends and some unknown reason that i do not know too. And in fact if we were to take alook at the current condition of our crusade, it somehow had became into a refuge or "gambling den that was set inside the temple" mention in the New Testament by Jesus. People just started to come into crusade room o play game or slack around.It just disturbs me very much when i see such scenes in the place of God. This place had lost its purpose or maybe some of us had lost the distinctive of being the salt and light of the world in the campus. i wonder about that??

i came to guess that the reasons why satan can had that chance to deceive me, is that maybe i thought that my service to God should be equilvalent to the change in crusade- we should be seeing a movement by now... or is that had i finish reading the whole entire bible after this 3 years?after all these processing,only helped me to remember that a movement is a move of God not by men or their works. It is never about how much i had served him, only Him can bring a growth in ppl's lives not me!! likewise to the lives of the crusaders, it is not me who control their growth...and it is never about how knowledgable..it is about Him!! Hence i only can conclude that my service to HIm is worth it as i chose to follow the call of being a disciple maker in this campus, i had chose to invest in the young lives whom may know or do not know Christ. I only can say i am glad that i can be part of the process of spiritual multiplication though many times i looked back at how i could have spent my last 3 years in continueing doing adventures, outdoors sports and rock climbing- the things that i like to do. But i always remember these verses- "In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."(Luke 14:33) and " one who look back and put his hand on the plow is not fit in the kingdom of God"

it had always encourage me not to look back but to place to my eyes on the things that God had placed in my life, focusing on fulfilling on what He wants me to do. I pray that God will soon bring a breakthrough and revival in my life and also the lives of the young ones in the ministry that he may bring a spiritual hunger in them. Lord pls raise up ur faithful labourers from ur children. Prepare the way for us o lord!!!

Your Grace is Enough

2007-09-13T02:30:00.000-07:00

Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God i see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me

His grace is Enough

2007-09-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Today went swimming together with my gor gor. While swimming, somehow i will always remember the lesson that i learnt from God when i was swimming a few years back. And this lesson is always so realistic to my life and our lives- that our lives is just like a race marked down with many different obstacles,trials and persecutions for us to go through, and it requires perseverance and determination to complete the race. The more i swim, i found myself gets tired and wanting to give up. But what kepts me through, was the desire of finishing the race no matter what- even i may have to take a longer time to finish it which is similar to our lives. Yeah even i may take a longer path or a more difficult to finish the race, i have to complete it by enduring all the hardships and the trainings that were there meant to train and mould me to become the person that He desires.

Talking about hardships, i believe that God had long started placing me in those tough times in my life- losing my father,poverty,hunger,humiliation,betrayal, disappointments,shame,humility and etc. I believe the work that Christ has started in me, he will complete it till the day that He comes. I hope the ones that are suffering or thinks that they are suffering in their lives, that they will not lose hope but continue to make Christ as the hope of our lives. We are all warned that, the power of this world lies in the hands of the devil- one who is waiting like a lion waiting to proar on its prey. We are his preys, and for sure we will be constantly attacked by him. He uses the weakest and the injured areas of our lives, to plant lies in our mind. He allows temptations to come in for us to be attracted to it as our flesh is weak and is always in conflict with the Holy Spirit's desire. And i find it so true in my life, that i found myself easily to believe his lies and always ended up in condemnation,hurts and disappointment especially when i come face to face to relationship and frienfdship issues.Somehow we will always end up in a cycle of the consequences of sins, finding ourselves not been able to come back to reality or face God or surrender to Him. i also realised that when we choose not to put Christ as the Lordship of our lives, we will be easily deceived by the lies that Satan put in us and fall into his traps.

I realised that once this race has started there is no turning back, all i have to do is to trust in Christ that He will keep me through and preserve me till the end, through HIs unfailing love and amazing grace. Grace is something that i found it irresistable, and His grace is always ever sufficient to keep me through whenever i realised i had sinned against HIm in some ways. He will always still be there listening to my cries and bring healing to my inner being so that i can stand up again. Even though sometimes we may not want to accept His grace because we feel unworthy and filthy, His grace is always there made available for all of us- You and me. Just wana encourage you who are reading this post now,to continue to be steadfast in your faith. Whereas for ones that have not receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour, i hope that through this post will help you the reality and the vulnerability of life, and you may consider to invite Christ into your life because you will soon realise that grace is all you need in this world to get out of our miry clay. And definitely His grace is sufficient for everyone of us.
good night and God bless.

more than welcome if you have any question to ask me about my faith or you are interested to know more about Christ.
can just drop an email to me.
teentitans_junhao@hotmail.com

You are the Music in Me

2007-09-11T04:45:00.000-07:00

Na na na na
Na na na na yeah
You are the music in me

You know the words "Once Upon A Time"
Make you listen? There's a reason.

When you dream there's a chance you'll find
A little laughter or a happy ever after

Your harmony to the melody
It's echoing inside my head

A single voice (Single voice)
Above the noise

And like a common thread
Hmm, you're pulling me

When I hear my favorite song
I know that we belong
Oh, you are the music in me

Yeah it's living in all of us
And it's brought us here because
Because you are the music in me

Na na na na (Ohh)
Na na na na na
Yeah yeah yeah (Na na na na)
You are the music in me

It's like I knew you before we met (Before we met)
Can't explain it (Ohh ohh)
There's no name for it (No name for it)

I'm saying words I never said
And it was easy (So easy)
Because you see the real me (I see)
As I am
You understand
And that's more than I've ever known

[You Are The Music In Me lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

To hear your voice (Hear your voice)
Above the noise (Ohh ohh)

And no, I'm not alone
Oh you're singing to me (Ohh yeah)

When I hear my favorite song
I know that we belong (Yeah ohh)
You are the music in me

It's living in all of us
And it's brought us here because
You are the music in me

Together we're gonna sing (Yeah)
We got the power to sing what we feel (What we feel)
Connected and real
www.renwen.us

Can't keep it all inside (Ohh)

Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Yeah yeah yeah (Na na na na)
You are the music in me (In me)

Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na
You are the music in me

When I hear my favorite song (Favorite song)
I know that we belong (We belong)
You are the music in me

Yeah it's living in all of us
It's brought us here because (Here because)
You are the music in me

Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na
You are the music in me (Yeah)

All Out of Love

2007-09-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

Open Arms

2007-09-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Lying beside you here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
Softly you whisper
You're so sincere
How could our love be so blind

We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side
So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms

Living without you
Living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay
So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms

My Life Is A Vapour

2007-09-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapour that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
James 4:14

The result of whether we feel better or worse, depends on the choice that we make now. I learnt of one truth about our lives is that "Life is a product of choice." Yeah it is so true, we are all living in a world where we bombarded with relentless appeals to go in various directions. Television advertising alone places a hundred of options before us, in addition to appeals made by political parties, cults, false religions, and dozens of other groups. Numerous organisations,including Christian organisation,seeks to motivate us to support a cause. Add to that the dozens of decisions we must make concerning our job,our family,our money,our society, and we become depserate for someone to show us the right way. And sometimes i find myself pulled in many directions but i am reminded that God teaches the humble his way.

And the choice we make, depends upon how we view life and God. Indeed life is like a vapour, that we have no firm substance on this earth, I am just as fragile as a mist that have no durability on this earth- which i appear only for a short while. Reading this verse, allow me to remember that my time on this earth is short and i will just disappear. Life will be gone, and the world will still run without me. Realising that life is like a vapour, helps me to understand the vulnerability of life and everything- even my plans for my future and my goals. i am reminded that it is good to have goals, but goals will fail us when we leave God out of them because the future is in his hands. There is no point making goals and plans when God is not in it- "Everything is meaningless" Life without God has no purpose, life without purpose is meaningless. Cant imagine how it be like if God steps in and rearrange my plans. One thing i learnt is that plan ahead, but hold the plans loosely. Put God's desire at the centre of my plannings; he will never disappoint me.

Life is short no matter how many years we live, hence we should not be deceived into thinking that we have lots of remaning time to live for Christ, to enjoy our loved ones or to do what we should do. Live for God today! Then, no matter when ends our lives, we would have fulfilled God's plan for us.

Omnipotent,all-governing Father, not a bird falls to the ground apart from you and not a strand of hair of our heads turns gray apart from You. That i truly acknowledge that all life is held firmly in your hands, nothing can seperate us from Your love. Teach me to understand these truths about life and You.Forgive me that many times i failed to place Your desires above me. Lord, remove the pride and self-sufficiency of our lives. Teach me to obey you and rely on you each day! in Jesus' name, Amen!